HAPPY AFTER ‘EVER AFTER’
By Amyline Q. Ching
(Well
Being Section Manila Bulletin G-1 September 20, 2003)
Theirs is a
love story the stuff of legends. There are no glass slippers, no ball gowns,
and no wicked stepsisters. There wasn’t even anything remotely fairy-tale-like
with the way they met. “Mila and I were co-workers in an advertising firm. We
first became friends and it progressed into something more,” tells Performance
Network Inc. General Manager Emmanuel “Wawel” Mercado.
It could have been one of those
happily-ever-after types and for a while, they thought it would be. “When Mila
got pregnant we were so happy. We had a lot of plans,” he continues.
The couple became really embroiled
on the pregnancy, attending workshops and childbirth classes. They read every
book in pregnancy and child rearing they could get their hands on. They had
check –ups regularly. All in all, it was a healthy pregnancy and Mila, this
being her first, ensured that by being very careful with her body. Everything
was perfect. Nothing could have gone wrong. But fairy tales in real life rarely
last a lifetime. And it wasn’t long before the bubble began to burst.
Hours after giving birth to a
healthy baby girl, Mila suffered from a rare childbirth complication Amniotic
Fluid Embolism (AFE), where amniotic fluid
and fetal cells enter the maternal circulation, damaging the brain.
“Were we really prepared for the worst, having read
books and attended classes but AFE is so rare, it wasn’t even there,” he
recalls.
AFE only occurs in one out of 80,000 births.
It may happen during labor or after childbirth. And according to Wawel, it is
something that is “unpredictable, untreatable and unpreventable”. In most case,
the mother will die and if she does survive, her brain will be damaged.
“There has been no singe case of
mother surviving without brain damage that I know of,” he says. “It is a good
thing that it happened after Therese came out else the baby would have also
suffered the same fate. She could even die.”
One thing that he would always be thankful for is
that they were given to a chance to become a family even for a short while.
“Mila held
Therese in her arms. She was so happy and for a while we were a complete
family. We even had our picture taken. It was the first and last time she was
able to do so,” Wawel confides.
Now, she remains confined in a wheelchair, unable to
eat, to walk, unable even to speak. In fact, the words “ it feels good to have
a baby “ were the last one she uttered. Her usually infectious laugh and
animated spirit are now gone. In place is an empty look of somebody trapped
within the lifelessness.
The fairy tale shattered and it took him four years
to pick up the pieces and rebuild his life. He lived and yet he never did in
essence.
“I go through the motions but I wasn’t really
enjoying life. I had difficulty accepting. It was a young marriage. We had so
many plans. Our dreams, suddenly nawala. While I felt lucky that I still have
both of them with me, I also felt real genuine loss, loss for what our life
could have been, for what Mila was. She was a ballet dancer, a person full of
verve of life and no…”he utters.
But more than what he had lost, it was
Mila had lost and what their daughter had lost.” She was looking forward to
being a mother. I remembered her talking to Therese all the time. It broke my
heart to see her unable to do so when her chance finally came,” he evokes.
It was neither easy for Therese to grow
up without a mother. Though Wawel’s mother and sisters helped in rearing a
child, nothing could compare for the love could parents could offer.
“I was never there during the first
few months. I choose to be with Mila in ICU, where she lies in comatose. When
she woke up from it, I focused all my energies on Mila instead.”
Moving On
It was a hard road towards recovery but he came to
the finish line nonetheless. Through a combination of counseling, books and
workshops, he was able to get rid of all his negative baggage and moved on.
Getting over the pain, the disillusionment may be difficult but it is a
thousand times worse to remain in the dumps.
He says, ”when something like this happens, you have
a choice to become bitter, to wallow in your anger or to become a better person
because of it.”
And when he gave up all the drama, a
new world opened up to him. He became more present to the present. “My
circumstances never changed and yet it felt like I created a new one, “ he
enthuses.
Before, life was all about him, his loss, and his
pain. Now, he sees others’ loss, others’ pain. That is when an idea of starting
an advocacy program for people who are mentally handicapped came up.
“It’s not an easy life. When we go
to malls and we need to ride the elevator because of Mila, do people get off
when it’s full? No. They stay there, not realizing that while they have an
alternative, we don’t, “he espouses. To create awareness, he gives talks on
mental handicap, even to children in Therese’s class. He also joins “fun run”
with Mila on a wheelchair. This year, in fact, they braved the 10 K Leg with
their orange tees during the 27th National Milo Marathon.
“Mila had the greatest time despite
getting all wet’” he laughingly says, alluding to the rainy weather the time
they ran.
Aside from getting to exposure they need for Team
Mila, it is a great way to exercise those muscles and have fun in the process.
“Mila hates being cooped up at home. She wants to get out every once in a
while”.
In addition to the leisurely walk in the park or to
the mall, they have also gone sailing in the Taal Lake.
“It was a wonderful experience. We tied Mila to the mast for precaution.
Despite that and the cold water, she enjoyed it”.
He also takes her swimming in hot spring pools,
complete with life vest of course to keep her floating. “ Why deprive them of
these simple pleasures,” he asks.
Why indeed? They may not have lived
the perfect happily-ever-after life that one has always pictured but who says
they did not live happily after’ ever after?
